…wimpy, bland, corporate, safe, middle-of-the road indie-by-numbers for accountants and middle class Crispin’s and Jocastas.
Their fans number a disproportionate amount of straggly-bearded, emasculated, middle-aged, Guardian-reading, sandal-wearing, hen-pecked wimps who shop, uncomplainingly, at Habitat and Laura Ashley with their shrill, skinny, Sloane Ranger spouses and their babies in those papoose thingys.
They are the band of choice for people who know little, and care even less, about music.
Not since L*nnon’s turgid dirge, ‘Happy Xmas (War Is Over), has there been such a dreadful Xmas single.
Preferable to another X-Factor number 1, though? Well, would you prefer a kick in the bollocks or a punch in the face? That’s the choice on offer!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand breathe…
Hi Harry,
The only thing I disagree with here is the description of their fan-base, whom I’ve found to be made up mostly of bland, frustrated, middle aged, neo-hippy, borderline narcissistic females. Maybe it’s an other-side-of-the-pond thing.
All the best,
Greg
Gregory, my man; an artiste of taste, style, good judgement and discernment, such as your good self, is always a welcome addition to my blog
Good to hear from you. Hope all is well
I find Coldplay a very frustrating band. Some things about them, in isolation, are kind of cool. Sometimes the music veers crazily close to radiohead light with some of the chord sequences and arrangements, but it always finds its way back to that safe sound within a matter of seconds.
The biggest problem for me is Martin though. His lyrics are just completely (i’m searching for a better word here, there isn’t one)… stupid.
They’re stupid, insipid and trite. I have rarely heard a Coldplay song where I couldn’t play guess the next line with a fair degree of accuracy. It’s like he’s been lobotomised. I’m fine with some of the music. The guitar work is fine, nice little licks that sadly get buried behind walls of sales-friendly pianos, synths etc. The rhythm section has done things that are quite dynamic and interesting, but they’re clearly not allowed to any more because an offbeat triplet shuffle with almost dissonant basslines is not what the execs want.
And then there’s Brian Eno. No, No, No. I love the man. I listen to music for films when I feel chilled out. I love his synths and treatments in U2′s Unforgettable fire, Joshua Tree, and Achtung baby, they’re literally music to my ears. I love his work with Bowie.
But put him with Coldplay, and the results lack soul. They lack a pulse. They’re clinically dead on arrival. I think that shows how soulless Coldplay actually are.
I don’t even know they had a christmas song. Just listened to it on Youtube, and for some reason it made me put Kraftwerk – Neon Lights on. So it can’t be all bad.
You know, Josh, that’s about as pithy, accurate and spot-on an analysis as one could wish for!
You’ve pretty much summed up exactly what it is about ‘em that irks me so.
Interestingly, I read something on a friend’s blog the other day regarding current, corporate ‘rock’ acts, like Coldplay, and, apparently, over 60% of these bands’ members are from much more affluent backgrounds, having been privately educated, than has ever previously been the case.
I wonder how much the lack of struggle, angst, pain and difficulty that being insulated by wealth brings, is reflected in safe, “sales-friendly” radio fodder?
Confession time; was absolutely gutted beyond description when it dawned on me, horribly, sickeningly, that I actually really liked Viva la Vida
Imagine my relief on learning Joe Satriani had succesfully sued ‘em for plagiarism regarding that track!
Phew! That explianed it, then. My taste barometer is as flawless as ever